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--==Welcome to the Watery World of Janisha==--...Beyond the uncertainity of the human mind lies the courage to try something new... March 11 Just another dayThe end of my weeks break... The only interesting thing i did was to hv my driving lessons.. complete novel, painted an unfinished scene n i crunched it all up n threw away... i didnt even go to the movies... Gosh! wat did i do?? Indeed i wasted precious time away... But hey atleast spent valuable time with my family... n oh yes!! i hv got a new pc in my room.. mayb tat was wat inspired me to start blogging again...
Sonia had her exams n she was busy mugging away(w/o a doubt she'll definately bring home As!!!! u go gal!!), bhaiya seems down and mayb i roughly knew what he is depressed abt, he just wldnt open up to me anymore, i dunno y... i miss those times when we hv got abundance to share...:( but he seems slightly better yesterday.. i'll pray for him
Met my banshee after like a lllllllllllllooooong time(seems like decades hahaa) yesterday.. We hugged n we poured n listened to some heartfelt music n then went home..
Bhaiya caught me smsing someone new yest hahaha!! It was really funny the way he reacted hahaha!! i really love my bro to bits!! and he gave his advices to me... well bhaiya.. just to let u know... i cant hide anything from u... i am as clear as water.
I hv met someone new, not tat i hv seen him/her in person as of yet... but i do enjoy our conversation.. very upbeat personality always seems to be bouncing arnd somewhere... a vast contrast of wat i am..:) Oh well..
Got to go to work today.....arrgghhh.. tat sux...
Tat's all for tdy.. just hope i dun hv nonsensical things to handle n oh yes! i hv to orientate myself to new HO's now.. they all seem alien to me... :P
Peace,
Janisha March 09 To my friend
It was hard n the begining, it was the hurt that caused most of the pain... the feeling was like as though i went through cold turkey for days.. weeks.. months... n it was hard to stop thinking... thinking.. thinking.. I asked to myself y me? i felt guilt, i felt sinned... No one will ever know what i hv been through, i was depressed, i turned sour, moody n bitter... i had NO ONE to turned to... I mean, do u know what is it liked to be shunned of ur emotions n to stop your emotions from developing further? Like to hv a sudden wall rite infront of ur face... It makes u neither here nor there. u cant progress n nor can u turn back... i tell u, it was really hard... i felt like i was going to burst.. i had no one to hold on to...and in the midst of tat I lost a friend i needed most... In the end, i decided to leave it all behind me n look forward, the ghosts of the past still haunts me when i'm in the dark, when lonliness creeps onto me... Never put ur whole in anything, when u know it is not possible, tats one thing i learned, i used to be really carefree abt evrything in life.... i want to be like my old self again... i want to look forward to new things in life... tat is wat i will do.. n learn to do from now on.. i hv forgiven.. i hv forgiven... it was just a dream, i say to myself, a dream... A story tat will be told someday(mayb even a bestseller) haha... Well u see my friend, i want to thank u for everything, u opened up my eyes to many thing in life... i was an innocent girl before... u turn me into a woman.. u broke the glass above my head, n now i see the world in a clearer view... dun take "the dream" as a mistake, cos it wasnt, to me it was pure n innocent... Whenever i look into ur eyes, i see guilt, i see remorse and i see that u want to make up for whatever has happened but u dunno how... u take this burdern as a heavy toll on u... dont please dont.... u are my friend, the bestest... i wont want to see u indebted to me... i really miss u alot my friend, n i know u are going thru alot of personal problems lately, i used to be the shoulder u cry on, i used to be ur diary... i feel the distance somehow... Just want to tell u. i hv put it all behind.... but i just hope "the openess" we used to share and confide in doesnt end... u were my confident.. U are important to me my friend... i want to help u, even just by hearing u out, u feel better, i will be there... Hang in there my friend, i just want to say that u r not alone... dun swallow it all up... Love u my friend....
March 08 [Patience+ Tolerance] - ignorance =Tat is all wat i'm askin forTell me why, why must one seperate oneself from another just because their faith or belief is different, eventhough they have the same blood running through their veins?
We have been leading the silent life as muslims, a very long time.. it was hard then, coming from a family of hindus n sikhs... i have nothing against any religion for tat matter, in fact i respect them wid all my heart and will nvr speak ill of anything that defy someones belief. But why cant others be as tolerant as ourselves? All i'm asking for is tolerance and yes acceptance... Take for example, a person cld be a hindu or a christian n cld be wronged for what evr actions they might be guilty for. They wont be reprimanded so much in the society. But take the same situation and the person a muslim, immediately he/she would be stereotyped... as a terrorist, extremist or worst islamists! I mean why the differences? U don't see any "christianisnts" out there in the papers when theres a crime faulted... I mean a muslim could be equally good as a christian, hindu or a jew,if not better... Or a christian, jew or hindu cld be worse than a muslim, if not, worst..
It is sad to know that these stereotypes are encrypted into ppl minds, it could be their own loved ones they would wash their ties off, just so as too mantain their dignity . What kind of dignity are u going to hold onto, when u can cut ties wid ur own flesh and blood, what does it makes u as a person? u call tht a sacrifice.? No it's not, u dont shun ur loved ones away, u dont embarrass them.. dun say that they are wrong when they are still threading on the path of good... it may be a sin, when it comes to our belief, but it may not be a sin to them... All we just need is a little patience and tolerance and not ignorance..
It's sad to know when one of ur relations, doesnt want their loved one to mix arnd us anymore. It's sad to know that we are "labelled" in their eyes and not accepted. It's sad to know that the love u share n give to them is not returned back. It's sad to know that they are even a part of us.
Wondering when will this end...
Jaanu
Like hello once again... -.-Today i decided, to start blogging again, mayb coz i'm just fed up of writing entries in my diary.... Mayb coz i wanna be heard, i used to share my feelings with someone close, now i cldn't bring myself to do tat, i hv no one to turn to, cos i know no one wld understand... i hv nt been my usual self for quite sometime now... to tell u the truth, evryday seems to be rather spiritless for me, i'm nt as exuberant as i was before, i'm so much more reserved to the extend of being rather rude n snappy to my own loved ones...what has become of me, i dun know either... i feel so welled up with unwanted feelings most of the time, i just want to cry everyday, i even hv thoughts of ending my life.. can u belive that!! i just feel like i'm very sinned n the best way is to end it all....
Take this week for eg. It is my break week and wat hv i done??? NOTHING... i'm bored as hell ok!!! i didnt go out wid my frens at all.. didnt go for a movie, most of my time was spent at home, doing chores... My mum has been really upset wid me lately, i bought a pc w/o telling her proper details... She thinks i'm a useless child, who doesn't give two hoots abt her, who doesnt understand her pain, her health, her condition. Tat hurts me alot, esp when she says those things to me and my sister... it really hurts... i really feel shitty.. i used to be really close to my mum, n now, i cldnt even talk to her w/o disagreeing on something... Ppl says tat my mum has brought us the way she wanted us to grow not the way we are supposed to grow... i was really defiant of tat comment in the first place, coz i know my mum did her very best of bringing us up right, in which she did. But, sooner or later i realised wat that person was trying to say... u see my mum wants us to be the way she want to see us to be, but not the way we are meant to be. I am rather submissive n i wont argue on anything, i just carry on wid the flow. But for my sister, it's diffrent, she retaliates n therefore the many misunderstandings between them.
I kept my feelings bottled up inside me for a very long time. i hv no outlet at all, dancing used to be my one n only outlet n now tat is gone too, n so is the person who so very much comforted me during times like this. It hurts when someone say, u r useless, u cant do this or that.. It doesnt mean i cant do it, it's may be coz of i dun wanna do it.... arrgghhh wat the crap.... basically life sucks for me now.... i just need to do something different... MAYBE I'M JUST SICK WID MY GOODY TWO SHOES IMAGE!!!
Gosssssssssshhh i hv been like really emo..... since like last yr!! Most be wrk!! i blame those ignorant patients!!!!
ps: juz read some of my previous entries.. i think i shld continue to do this again.........
August 30 I'm just an ear, Waiting to hear...I'm just an ear,
waiting to hear...
When you are deep down the gallows,
filled with sorrows,
I'll be here,
to wipe your tear..
I'm just an ear,
waiting to hear...
What is bothering you deep down,
that strained your face with a frown...
I'll hold you near,
and comfort your fear..
I'm just an ear,
waiting to hear...
Your happiness and laughter,
praying for you to stay this way there after...
No worries my dear,
I'll keep you in the clear...
I'm just an ear,
waiting to hear...
For someone to share,
for all that i have to bare...
Craving for the love i gave,
to receive the same from the ones i save..
Feeling unkown...
Hoping for the same i have shown..
For someone to be near,
and to be right here..
For i'm just an ear,
Waiting... To hear...
©Jaanu A short poem, done by me... Inspired by my feelings... To my loved ones out there, My family and friends... I'll always be there for all of u... When u need a listening ear, i'll be there
August 26 Harry......Harry Potter and the half blood prince...
The most saddest of all series.. i cant belive Dumbledore actually lost his live... Haiz.. I feel more for Harry now, i was totally engrossed in this book... Trying my best to read slow so as not to finish my book fast... But i cant, Jk Rowling somehow managed to cast a spell in this book, making readers wanting more and after every page.. Brilliant writer... To come up with this adventurous journey of a young boy (whom i'm in love with now).. All i can say is now, (maybe the same for all of harry potter fans out there) I CANT WAIT FOR BOOK 7!! HAHA
The Bus Stop
Waiting at the bus stop
I shivered from the cold.
When you walked up
it seemed as if
you were outlined all in gold.
You asked me if my shivering
was out of cold or fear,
I said the cold i'm not afraid
for you to stand so near...
Then you removed your jacket and handed it to me,
I shyly refused your jacket,
embarrrassed so you see.
You put the jacket on my shoulders
and back a step you took.
"I'm Anna,"I said extending my hand.
"Tobias," you said. We shook.
Day after day we stood,
waiting for the bus,
Not a single word spoken
by either one of us.
Until one day i turned to you
and bravely started to say,
"I have a crush on you, Tobias,
and also, by the way--"
As i started to tell you what it was
that was burning on my mind,
You told me you liked me, too,
but the words were hard to find.
I smiled a smile that seems to stretch
to both of my two ears.
The smiling and the happiness
erasing all my fears.
And now, my friend, you're dying
and there's nothing i can do,
But sit with you and hold your hand
and be forever true.
Last night while you were sleeping,
your soul just slipped away,
The many words that filled my heart
were impossibl e to say.
As i was cleaning out the drawer
that stood beside your empty bed,
I found a letter addressed to me
and heard your voice speak as i read.
My darling i am sorry that
I will have to leav so soon,
You know how much I love you
and I know how much you love me, too.
I hope you won't forget me
but please do try to move on,
I hope you won't cry too much
when i am dead and gone.
Two silent tears slid down my face
and moistened both my cheeks,
I won't get over the loss of you
not for days, and not for weeks.
I continued reading the letter
that i held in both my hands,
My fingers numb as if they had
been wrapped in rubber bands.
Now i'm standing at the bus stop
where two years ago we met,
And as i stand here in the cold
I feel my cheeks start to get wet.
I don't think i will get over you,
never, not in any way,
Our anniversary would have been
two years ago today.
And on this lonely bus ride,
I sit alone without you near.
I hear a voice that may jsut be
the voice I've longed to hear.
The voice is from an angel
and his words are sweet and strong.
He tells me," Life's a treasure.
Learn to love again. Move on."
And through the words he whispers
I finally starts to see,
That although i'll always love you--
It's time to set you free.....
Anna Maier
This poem was read to me by Janie yesterday... It was so moving... haiz August 25 Money Money moneyWhat is materialism?
It is the preoccupation with or emphasis on material objects, comforts, and considerations, with a disinterest in or rejection of spiritual, intellectual, or cultural values. (according to the dictionary)
In other words, indulging in unwanted desires to satisfy our inner greeds with the lack of concern or disregard of basic ethics. Another issue adolescents, or anyone for that matter, face in todays generation. Branded clothes, shoes and gadgets an increasing trend in our society. But do anyone of us actually realise the need for all of what we think is necessary in our lives? Lets bring us back into the pre- historic times when the early species of homo sapiens struggle to survive in the dense jungles. Simple tools or weapons were the only objects that brought them comfort for their daily needs. Such objects were used for cutting, hunting, clearing paths, or for defence. There wasnt any form of currency needed to buy such tools and yet they manage to lived through those times when materialism doesnt exist.
BUT, It is a different story today, money as what they say makes the world go round and that wealth is as good as health. With money, we are able to buy what ever we desire, whether it is the new sleek handphone model or that luxurious new car. With money one can keep up with the ever changing phase of trends and fashion. We are basically obsessed by such materials ignoring for the fact that due to materialism, money, is the main culprit for all the crimes, theft and robbery in this world. It causes terrorism, strikes, riots and is also the main reason behind the different wars that the human race faced throughout history. But however, we fail to realise such a catastrophe..
Funny how the world change... and what mankind could do to just fulfill their greeds...
Peace,
Jaanu |
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